Anonymous Unsent Letter #15

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Things I should have said… things that I realized would really matter to you…

Sorry for the times when you are expecting me to be someone, someone that I always pushed back in my mind. Sorry if I always try to do what I thought is better without considering what you feel, I realized that it only makes me a selfish person. Sorry if I always hold myself back in doing the things that would really make you happy. Sorry if it was kind of late when I started realizing those things. M, when we were having an argument and you said you felt sad when you were reading again my messages that really made you happy, I realized that you are the kind of person that appreciates small simple things. I am admitting that I didn’t send those messages while thinking what you may think or feel, I  somehow sent those messages because I felt like it was the right thing to do as your girlfriend. But of course, I would still choose to send those messages again and again.

I realized now that I should not be the kind of girlfriend that does things based on what I think is right because it only made me selfish. It kept me away from being the girlfriend who does simple things that would make you happy. I’ve read again the letter that you wrote for me, I watched the video that you did, I looked at the drawings you have given to me, and I have read again your sweet messages. I remember again how you could have made me feel special and happy.

Sorry for being selfish. For not doing the things I could do to make you happy because I was afraid that they were not right. I was afraid to send you long messages because I thought they were too mainstream. I was afraid to say how great you are because I thought that would make you boastful. I was afraid to hug and hold your hand because I thought you should be the first one to do that as a guy. I was afraid to ask you to meet me because I thought you were busy doing important things. I was afraid to call you whenever I want to because I thought you might get annoyed with my voice. I was afraid to say I love you first because I thought you would feel I am an easy-to-get girl. I was afraid to talk about my future with you in my life because I thought that you would not want to be in my life when the time comes.

Lastly, I am afraid to say these things to you because I am afraid that you will feel that this is not true. I hope that this will be the last time that I would feel afraid to do things that would make you will happy. And… I hope that you would still want to be in my life whatever may happen, though. I hope… I hope you will also feel the love that you deserve as much as I do with you. But I hope you feel it not only from me but from God who made everything possible for us to meet. I love you 🙂

 

Love,

Van

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Anonymous Unsent Letter #14

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To the guy I met unexpectedly,

First, let me say sorry for all those times that you felt like nobody would ever stay with you. I’m sorry for those times that you felt like you were the kind of person that people couldn’t stand with. I’m sorry if you turned to be not confident enough that you were actually a one-of-a-kind person that deserves to be loved.

I know that you hate reading, especially if it is in the English language but I would like to say everything to you in the way that you less care of. I hope you will eventually understand what I mean when I said that. So please, have more patience not only on reading this but also on me.

Unexpected, one word that could describe the changes that happened in my life when we met. You knew how fragile I was when you found me. I was a trying-hard in pretending that I am strong while you were really decided to be the best version of yourself. I admit that I admire you for that, and little did I know that you are going to be the reason why I would aim to be the best version of myself as well. I learned a lot of things while we are trying to snatch all the free times that we have. I admit that I was not really expecting that a one night of talking to each other will result in an everyday talk.

An everyday talk that will complete my day. Your good morning texts reminded me how beautiful it is to wake up knowing that someone is waiting for your message. Your stories entertained me in times that I felt I don’t have any to talk to. Your silly jokes may mostly have irritated me but made me think that you are adorable in your own way. Your compliments touched me inside that only my heart can explain. Your efforts that made me wonder how a guy can be honest when it comes on saying the truth. Your care that confused me how you could even manage keeping your passion in taking care of people. And your laugh when you are teasing me, that could give me a weird satisfaction.
At first, I may be thinking that you will also end our conversation with the label “seen” but I didn’t care that much for I know that you are worth the risk.

I may not be the girl you really dreamed of. I may have imperfections that would change what you think about me. I may not be the girl who is ready to express her thoughts to people around me. I may not be the girl who could sent you back a message in just a second. I may not be the girl who can call you every time. But I am the kind of girl that talks to God about you.

We may look at everything that happened in our life as unexpected as it is…but I believe that it was such a blessing as well. I know that God put us together to complete the love story that we both need. It may be too advanced but I am happily claiming it. If things turned out to be different, I will still believe and call it as a blessing rather and not a lesson. I may have learned but what really happened is that I started appreciating everything.

There may be times that we both cannot understand each other; I will try my best to stick with you as you try harder in understanding me or vice versa.

Maybe it’s true that I could not express what I think and feel as easy as it seems; but I will prove to you that I have my own way of expressing everything.

Everything seemed to be unexpected, and surely you are my favorite ‘unexpected’ in life. Always.

 

Love,

V

Anonymous Unsent Letter #13

Dear 2016,

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I couldn’t believe that you are almost ending. A few hours more, we will welcome another year. It is refreshing to know that in every year we are always given a chance to start again.

A year had already passed but it doesn’t mean that as we bid farewell, we will forget each other. Maybe some pieces of you will be forgotten including the pain and hurt that you caused me. But the pieces of you that gave me amazing feelings will always be in my heart.

2016, thank you for a year that made me realize a lot of things. You contributed a lot to who I am now. Yes, you were painful yet truly amazing.

Things I didn’t expect happened that made this year memorable. I lose people who used to be near in my heart. I broke some of my rules that caused me to be hurt. I missed a lot of chances for being scared.  I cried myself out alone in my room. I screamed like no one could hear me. I tried to change myself as people I used to know changes. I failed in doing the things I love.

However, I became stronger than before. I guarded myself to the things that will only manipulate me. I woke up every day and started new days. I embraced the contentment that I only get in being alone. I forgave people even though they didn’t say sorry. I became patient in the things I dreamed. And especially, I learned to love myself and know my worth.

As I move forward, I will still bring some pieces of you but I will also leave the unnecessary ones. Now, I can say that it’s a wrap 2016! xx

From,

someone

Anonymous Unsent Letter #12

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To the person who waits for happiness,

What are you doing? Scribbling again in your notebook, listening to the playlist you created, and thinking about the things you should have done? I thought you were tired of doing the same things over and over again? But here you are, wishing that someday happiness will arrive again in your small world.

Please, stop wondering about things. Stop regretting the chances you didn’t take.I know you wished that you explored to meet other people. I know you wished that you didn’t take everything seriously because you kept them inside your heart and when they left, you are left with nothing. I know you wished that you didn’t stay at home every weekend, inside the four corners of your room doing nothing.

You just got contented. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you are still being vain, you should stop. When you list down your new set of goals, please include that you will create your own happiness starting this day. Don’t depend your happiness on the weather, on your friends, on what you read, on others’ words, and on what others might think.

Create your happiness. Your life is yours.

I will not say what you should do. Because you are the only one who knows what to do to create your own happiness. You should chase happiness like how you chase your dreams. Make them possible so that you will never feel guilty about putting yourself in a small world.

 

from,

the person who loves watching you

Anonymous Unsent Letter #11

To the girl who wishes to have someone,

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There are memories you wanted to disappear. Despite those memories, you can still manage to smile. Hiding your pain is where you really good at. Days makes you cry for a rest. Nights makes you cry for a help. You want to run away from the past that you had. You want to avoid the people who hurt you. But you couldn’t. Since the day your best friend left you for new friends who were surely not better than you, the feeling of being alone is still haunting you. That’s why you always welcome the people who are going back to you no matter what they did to you.

People left you, you accepted it. People went back to you, you accepted them with a heart hoping that they finally found your worth. You used to give them everything you have, but since the day you noticed how they became cold and not interested in your stories, you didn’t want to waste their time again. You felt like you are just a bother for the people you never thought will get sick of you. Your learned how to talk to yourself about the things you wish you could tell to anyone. Problems, dreams, stories, and opinions. You hide them all the time.

Things kept happening over and over again in your life. Change is one of the things you are praying for. You are trying hard to imagine that this life is not yours. This life is only temporary. What you feel will fade. Your tears will be just tears on your pillowcase. Your scars will remain as it is on your skin. No big deal.

You want someone to say that they will always be with you no matter how hard it is to live with a person with a complicated heart and mind like yours. You hope and pray and wish. You ache for someone who could understand the most inner and deepest level of your soul. You wanted to let yourself free from all the things you are holding.  But as the day ends, you always realized that you only have yourself, and will always have nothing but yourself.

 

From,

the girl who has no one

Anonymous Unsent Letter #10

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To my 16-year-old self,

First, I want to remind you that you will not forever be 16. Days, weeks, months, or a year from now, you will turn 17…then 18. You’ll not stay young as what you are now. You’ll grow and will feel old. But please, do not hurry up in growing up. Yes, you are wishing to be old enough so that you could leave this town. This town where every life event of yours happened. Where you lived your whole life since you were born. Everyone you know came from this town. I know you feel suffocated because you feel like your world is too small for you. You want to explore more places and experience other things but you couldn’t, because you are only 16.

Second, your desire to enlarge your world makes you finding other people and looking for new friends from other places. Yes, you will meet a lot. When I said “a lot”, it includes those people who will stay connected with you and those who will not. It will make you feel more lonely and alone. Yes, you will feel contented with the friends you are having but soon you’ll realize that friendship is not only based on what you are doing together but the memories you could give to each other even though they are not with you physically or they are far away from you. The true friends of yours will make some efforts to hear your stories with interested eyes and understanding heart, but please consider listening to their stories as well. You are not creating memories of you on them but you are creating memories for both of you. Do not be self-centered.

Third, your family will pressure you to do things for the future. Yes, for 16 years you know that, you are experiencing it. But take it as a challenge rather. A challenge for yourself to be the better version of yours. It’s good that you feel pressured about your future but you should not focus only with that. You need to live your present. You need to consider what to do now instead of always asking yourself what you will do tomorrow. Whenever you think about the future, you are missing the little things that would make you possibly happy right now.

Fourth, go out your shell or comfort zone. I know it’s nice to be in where you are. But haven’t you felt your heart aching for more? Haven’t you heard your mind asking for more? I know your answer is “I have.” But when are you going to make actions about it? You dream mostly. That’s the problem, dreaming about things but never making them possible. Do not be scared of what might happen when you grab those chances and opportunities, but be scared rather on the “what ifs” that will follow when you let them pass by. Remember that every chance and opportunity you missed, will always be chances and opportunities you missed. You cannot change that.

Fifth, lastly, be careful to whom you give your heart to. Don’t give it easily. Keep it until you are sure that you can love yourself completely. Loving other people is never an answer for you to be completed. I know you feel lost right now. But don’t give up with yourself. Be hopeful and keep believing that you will meet your “the one” someday. There will be people who will make you believe that they were the one you are looking for, just always consider what your heart really want and feel. Practice talking about your feelings loudly, because it will be a factor in making the person you really like to leave you hanging. You’ll feel pain, but they are only temporary. Love yourself before you let others love you. Don’t worry because in your most hopeless time, you’ll find the “greatest love” you could ever know. Just look up and seek Him. You’ll never feel alone anymore.

PS. Hold on tight. Keep believing that like a star, you will shine out of darkness.

From,

your 18-year-old self

Anonymous Unsent Letter #9

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To myself who has 3am thoughts,

It’s 3am in the morning and you haven’t slept yet. You had a long day but you don’t still feel tired. Weird, isn’t it? Your mind aches for something you need to get out that causes you to stay awake. Or is it your heart rather? You are now confused which one is aching, your mind or your heart.

Saying  your thoughts aloud is not your thing. You are afraid to make other people uncomfortable with what goes in your mind. You think and think and think and think…as your mind goes anywhere. It occupies the big part of your time.

You are tired of entertaining your thoughts- good ones and bad ones- in the dark. You tried to sleep while your lights are on, but it only makes your eyes more awake. Didn’t know where to put the things inside your mind anymore. Wondering if is there a place where can make everything peaceful, without fears and doubts. Or a hole that could make your thoughts sink into oblivion.

No matter how many things and stories  your head has, you couldn’t still let them out. Because you couldn’t. As easy and hard as it is.

That’s the thing when even yourself couldn’t understand what your mind is telling and your heart is aching. Only your eyes can express them… when you are alone… when your tears started to burn your eyes… until you fall asleep… and join the world that makes you forget your unusual midnight friends.

From,

myself who wishes for a silent night

Anonymous Unsent Letter #8

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To the girl that I still love after five years,

In five years that we were together… I know that you loved me as the best as you could, you took care of me, you made me smile, and you completed me.

You are the person whom I love the most. And I will never regret it. Today that we are no longer together, you are still in my heart and in my mind. In every second, minute, hour, day and so on. I missed you so much. I miss your voice, the way you speak to me, and hold my hand as we walk together. But everything changed. Now, all these things are never the same as before. I stopped receiving  sweet messages from you  like those messages reminding me to take care, eat my breakfast, you missing me, and the message that I most wanted to receive from you is the phrase “I love you”. I’ve been thinking of you always, and the deep and amazing memories that we had together. Every night, it causes me to not wanting to sleep early. I want to do the things we used to do again, not with other girls but only with you.

But everything changed. Now, all these things are never the same as before. I stopped receiving  sweet messages from you  like those messages reminding me to take care, eat my breakfast, you missing me, and the message that I most wanted to receive from you is the phrase “I love you”. I’ve been thinking of you always, and the deep and amazing memories that we had together. Every night, it causes me to not wanting to sleep early. I want to do the things we used to do again, not with the other girls but only with you.

I know that there is no more chance that we will be together again. I can feel it and I will not force what I want. But there are two important things I want to say to you.

First of all, THANK YOU! Thank you for all the memories (good and bad), thank you for all the things that you’ve done for me (small and big), and thank you for being there for me always (in best and in worst times). Thank you for the five years that we shared our love with each other.

Second is I will always love you, you are the one whom I love the most, I care the most, and I can do everything without expecting in any return.

But after all, I need to let you go. Not because I want to but because I need to. I know that you already did the same thing. You let me go. I keep believing that God has a better plan for the both of us and I know that He will never let any bad things to happen to you.

I learned many things from you, from all the pain and love that you have given to me. I became a better person. I know that you are too. I love you. Bye.

From,

The boy who’s still in love with that girl

Anonymous Unsent Letter #7

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To the girl who broke his heart,

You didn’t know me, but I know you. I learned everything about you from afar. I heard your name from all his stories. It kinda sounds creepy, but it’s true. Surely, our paths haven’t crossed, but I felt like it already did.

I met the guy who’s heart got broken by you. I haven’t seen any guy who could be so miserable and lost when his heart got broken by the girl he first ever loved. Did you know that he still talks about you? It means that he still cares. He always cares about you, though. There are times that he cannot stop himself in talking about you even  how many times he promised to himself that he will forget you. He seemed happy when you were still his. You seemed too.

I don’t know the deep facts about the relationship that the two of you had. I only know that both of you were once perfect for each other. The memories you made together were those memories everybody would cherish forever. What you had were the things that lots of people would kill for. Plans, promises, and dreams together became the foundation of your relationship. You planned the future together like both of you had a clue. You promised together under the million stars in the sky. You dreamed together about the things you will do for each other as the two of you grows old together. But all of them vanished and were forgotten as the days passed.

I couldn’t think of possible reasons why you did that, but I want to know them. I have lots of questions about what happened between the two of you. I know that it’s not my business to know these things. But I would like you to see this letter like I am asking you for a favor. I just want answers for him so that I will be able to let myself free from him as well. I want to know what really happened on that day. I want to hear from you what you felt that day. Because he kept asking me about it like I know the answer. He said all  the girls he met were the same. He said maybe I could give her the answers because I am a girl. I couldn’t even answer his questions. I couldn’t because I am not you.

He is the type of guy I would like to take care of, have, and love. It hurts that he is not letting me do those things because he is still trapped in the moments and memories the two of you had. He is still stuck in asking himself, what did he do for you to leave him alone and go with another guy. I feel the painful weird feeling every time I see he doesn’t want anyone to enter his heart again. He might be scared to get hurt but I know that his main reason is, he is still waiting for you. He is still waiting for you to fix his heart. He is still waiting for you to say that you made a mistake by leaving him. He is still waiting for you to prove that you still love him. He is still waiting for you to complete him again. He is still waiting for your answers.

I love him. I love him, but he doesn’t feel the same way to me. He didn’t feel what he felt when he met you. He doesn’t want to move forward without you. He doesn’t want to believe again as long as you will not be the one who would make him believe again. He doesn’t want to fall in love with me, or with anybody else, because you are still his one true love.

Please, come back to him. Let him free from all the thoughts he is having in his mind. Let me get free from still believing that he and I have a chance together. It’s too painful for me to see the one I love still loving the same girl who broke his heart. It’s too painful for thinking that I can’t do anything despite all the things I could do for him if he would just let me. It’s too painful for trying to be the girl he is waiting, forever. I know that I can do better compared to all the things you did for him. But unlike your situation, I will be the ONLY one who is willing to do it.

 

from,

the girl who is willing to fix his heart