Things I should have said… things that I realized would really matter to you…
Sorry for the times when you are expecting me to be someone, someone that I always pushed back in my mind. Sorry if I always try to do what I thought is better without considering what you feel, I realized that it only makes me a selfish person. Sorry if I always hold myself back in doing the things that would really make you happy. Sorry if it was kind of late when I started realizing those things. M, when we were having an argument and you said you felt sad when you were reading again my messages that really made you happy, I realized that you are the kind of person that appreciates small simple things. I am admitting that I didn’t send those messages while thinking what you may think or feel, I somehow sent those messages because I felt like it was the right thing to do as your girlfriend. But of course, I would still choose to send those messages again and again.
I realized now that I should not be the kind of girlfriend that does things based on what I think is right because it only made me selfish. It kept me away from being the girlfriend who does simple things that would make you happy. I’ve read again the letter that you wrote for me, I watched the video that you did, I looked at the drawings you have given to me, and I have read again your sweet messages. I remember again how you could have made me feel special and happy.
Sorry for being selfish. For not doing the things I could do to make you happy because I was afraid that they were not right. I was afraid to send you long messages because I thought they were too mainstream. I was afraid to say how great you are because I thought that would make you boastful. I was afraid to hug and hold your hand because I thought you should be the first one to do that as a guy. I was afraid to ask you to meet me because I thought you were busy doing important things. I was afraid to call you whenever I want to because I thought you might get annoyed with my voice. I was afraid to say I love you first because I thought you would feel I am an easy-to-get girl. I was afraid to talk about my future with you in my life because I thought that you would not want to be in my life when the time comes.
Lastly, I am afraid to say these things to you because I am afraid that you will feel that this is not true. I hope that this will be the last time that I would feel afraid to do things that would make you will happy. And… I hope that you would still want to be in my life whatever may happen, though. I hope… I hope you will also feel the love that you deserve as much as I do with you. But I hope you feel it not only from me but from God who made everything possible for us to meet. I love you 🙂